Square Pie Guys in San Francisco

What’s even worse for a restaurant than this whole COVID open partially, only take-out, half full, outdoor only, etc, confusion? Having to completely close down all options for a positive test scare. Such was the case for Square Pie Guys. This Detroit style pizza spot seemed to be making the most of the current situation when they got set back for a time while they dealt with the issue. But lots of testing, quarantining and bleachy cleaning later they have reopened to jump back into the pizza fray that is San Francisco. The funny thing (to me anyway) is their logo, which they’ve had from the beginning, kind of looks like two dudes wearing smiling masks.

Yeah, I know it is meant to be beards, but come on! While I’m sure they weren’t really prescient about the whole situation, they do appear to have latched onto the Detroit style square pizza hype (I’ve covered before) at the right time to really hit the ground running. Even though the rules for dining inside/outside have returned to a degree, the Guys have returned to that normal just yet, but are offering take-out and delivery.

Perusing their menu it kind of reminds me of pizza spots from university towns that offer pizza, burgers, fries and wings in just a handful of variations to keep it interesting yet not overwhelming one with choices (because usually when you are ordering this kind of stuff at college you might be drunk or high or sleep deprived you know). Though, in a more mid-range upscale version with more than just your standard toppings. Which you can still get if you build your own. Something you may have to do as they won’t let you substitute or do half and half their pizzas. That isn’t a knock. It’s more of an observation of how they straddle the line of offering something familiar, but with more intriguing options.

In my constant quest to eat pizza but still get some health benefits I zeroed in on the Mean Green Sausage Machine. There is no sizing here, everything is a four slice square and this one will run you $20. That is $5 a slice for those not into math, which makes it about what you would be for a single slice at most spots in SF.

When the box arrived I kind of though it looked small, but when you open it, they are decent and unless you are super hungry, you can probably get two, maybe even three meals out of this pie. Part of the reason for that is the bread is the thick focaccia style and not some thin slice where you are gonna have to stack three to get the same amount.

This one has Italian sausage, roasted broccoli, mozzarella, garlic ricotta cream, chili flakes and something they called Mike’s hot honey, which is this evidently. For this last one, I’ll be honest, if it was on the pizza I totally missed it. When I saw it as an ingredient I was hoping for some sweet hot kick to liven up the broccoli because….broccoli, but either it was just a light touch of it or they forgot and left it off all together. That aside, I still liked the pizza and a large reason was that ricotta cream. It was a pleasantly smooth and indulgent creaminess which kept this from being all one note. You also get some spice from the sausage and a little bit of earthy green bitterness from the broccoli but the sauce just seems to bring it together as one tasty bite after another.

Sure, the sweet heat of the honey might have been a nice offset note from all the savory, but I guess I’ll never know, unless I try to order this again (something that is sadly not going to happen as I will explain in the coming months—how’s that for a teaser!). Still, even without it, I really enjoyed my whole pie over several days. The bread, which was all buttery and soft on the inside and buttery and crunchy on the outside, held up quite well to a re-heat. One in a toaster oven, one in a “I’m hungry and wanna eat this now” microwave.

So in the end it’s $5 a slice (though you can only get the whole), makes multiple meals for sort of hungry singles, the crust is good, toppings are good, cream sauce is like really good and the missed topping—well, who knows. Five out of six is enough of a winner, winner it’s a pizza dinner for me.